A Reminder To Avoid Comparisons
I’ve always been a believer that life itself is the greatest teacher. It beats you down, makes you uncomfortable, and forces you to grow. This is an open journal containing very personal thoughts and experiences; I hope you may benefit from them. If you know anyone who can benefit from its message, please feel free to share.
Here is why I believe comparison is logically pointless:
At the time of writing, the general zeitgeist of my generation is the constant search for more. People are hopping jobs, hustling like crazy, and burning themselves out because they are chasing an idea of a “grass is greener” happier life. Everyone appears to be killing themselves with work because they want the shiny things, the travel, and the (insert the somewhat unattainable thing here). People want what others either have or are chasing, and any incongruence with that makes it seem as if you’re falling behind.
You see, admit it or not — a lot of it is due to envy and comparison. We do things we don’t like to get things we believe will make us happy.
Some advice?
- Those pages or people on social media that give you even the hint of jealousy? Mute them. They’re already stealing time and attention from you; don’t let them occupy real estate in your mind as well.
- Avoid the unhappy and unfulfilled. Stick with those who are happy and content with their lives instead! Life is already full of pain and stress, and sticking with stagnated people who don’t make you feel good after a conversation is only going to bring you down.
Comparison is the thief of all present joy, using the past as bullets, and fear of the future as targets.
Comparison doesn’t make sense because not everyone is born with the same circumstances. Some are born rich, with all the connections and opportunities in the world, while others are born poor, with barely any at all.
Especially while I was in university, I used to envy my classmates who were much richer and well-connected. I used to watch from the sidelines as some of them started their first businesses as teenagers, raked in a lot of money, and played life in upward momentum.
This made me resentful because I considered myself to be “the smart one,” and it was honestly a hit to my identity seeing people not put in as much effort as me, but reap all the benefits. I was born middle class and really had to put in extra effort just to get where I am. I absolutely hated the idea of that lazy guy in class earning more money than me, or getting the job offer through connections with half the effort or qualifications.
Over time, I realized it wasn’t right for me to compare myself to these people; the only valid competition for myself is my past self — the only true gauge of whether I’ve grown or not.
I also used to envy my colleagues. As an intern, I’ve met many other foreigners interning in my home country; they are showered with benefits, travel, and money to travel even more.
Travel was a frustrating concept for me, as it is both my greatest desire and my greatest frustration. I grew up in the back seat of car rides taking family members to the airport. As a kid, I was usually left behind at home, leading me to have some separation anxiety. Here was born the desire for freedom, and an unhealthy mental dynamic of either “leave, or get left behind” which took a major toll on my enjoyment of the world.
Especially in Instagram culture, where travel photos are literally what everyone posts nowadays, it hurts me in a very specific way. There’s always the dynamic of “I’m out here experiencing the world, while you’re stuck over there.” To be honest, I know I still have a lot of trauma to heal in this regard; periods of depression still sometimes get to me when these emotions bubble up.
To be completely honest, it wasn’t until just recently that I discovered how comparison is really unfair and illogical.
I realized this when a friend of mine stated how I was really lucky to have a lot of things others do not: a complete, healthy, and happy family ; a Master’s-level education; the fact I’m dating a sweet, hardworking girl; that I’m earning some passive income through shares that’s enough to somewhat cover food and basics; no disabilities; a roof over my head; an inspiring network of friends; a car — and so on. I really do appreciate these things deeply.
It’s ironic how comparison with people who have less than you can be the key to breaking free from comparing yourself to those who have more. But of course, it goes deeper than that.
It’s only in understanding where people come from, and their backstories, that you begin to realize the irrationality of comparison.
Rich people are there because they were born to a specific set of circumstances that got them there. If you’re jealous of a person who has his own business, always remember: that person is jealous of someone who has two businesses. A person with two businesses in one country is jealous of the person with businesses all over the world.
You might be jealous of those who fly business class, but those who fly business are jealous of those who fly private. Somewhere in the world, someone is jealous of the fact that you get to fly at all.
You see, it never ends! The true solution to envy and jealousy is to want less.
I realize that the happiest people in the world aren’t those who have or experienced it all — it’s those who are satisfied and in love with what they already have, and curious as to where life will lead them.
My Advice for a Happier Life
Knowing what I know now, here are some things I recommend.
- Stop filling your mind with information you can’t implement
Society has conditioned us to always seek new information: learn and repeat. But to be honest, I think this is the biggest double-edged sword ever created. True freedom is not having all the knowledge, but rather needing less of it. Too much information in your head creates chaos, indecisiveness, and perfectionism brought about by too many options and possibilities. Think of your grandparents — they didn’t know it all, but they did know how to enjoy the little things in life. Avoid self-help (I wrote an article about this before), avoid habits that are simply distractions from the real matter at hand. While I think meditation and journaling are great, I strongly suggest skipping that and instead focusing on implementing what you already know. - Avoid social media
Everyone only posts the highlight reels. Unless you are mentally stable enough to handle that, just avoid all social media — aside from enthusiast communities and messaging apps. Life moves pretty fast; if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. - Don’t be a sellout
The moment you stop pursuing what you ACTUALLY want in favor of what’s expected of you, resentment will build shortly thereafter.
This is why many people have a midlife (or even quarter-life) crisis. They realize too late that they were chasing the wrong dream and regret all the blood, sweat, and tears that had gone into building a life that wasn’t theirs to begin with. To save yourself the hassle, make small brave choices every single day to choose YOURSELF and what you want — over what is traditional or expected. Please don’t sell yourself out to the world’s noise. - Be kind to yourself
Treat yourself like a prince/princess: keep tabs on your health, eat good food, work out (but don’t overtrain), have days dedicated to me-time, read more, laugh more, spend time in smaller groups that energize instead of drain you. Take small chances — make that call, apply for that job, express your intentions — so you will never regret not having tried.
Pain after failure fades quickly. What you should really be afraid of is the regret of never taking the chance or even trying. - Develop a new relationship with uncertainty
True growth happens when you are uncomfortable. You know that anxiety or fear you get when trying something new, or pursuing something you’ve been avoiding the whole time? YEAH. In order to grow, you must experience those feelings — and consciously decide to act anyway. That is how you move forward. - Go slow
Cook your own food. Opt for remote work. Carve out time to go on a picnic with friends. Laugh more, read more, avoid mainstream media.
You’ll realize later on that what you truly wanted after all… is a calm life. To be honest, this was the scariest thing for me. Growing up with some level of uncertainty and chaos, I became used to always rushing, and always gunning for more. It hurt me deep inside, and until now I’m doing my best to recover from all the self-induced pain.
Final Notes
Just don’t compare.
Live and let live; find time to be curious and rediscover the beauty of the life you already have. It takes time, but you will see it eventually.
Does this resonate with your own experience? Let me know.
